Life and all its challenges

I figure it's time to come clean with you all. It'll help to explain yours truly's absence these past few months, and the subject matter may become a focus of this wonderful bloggy space for the foreseeable future.

In late November, my mother passed away. Her death came as a shock after a very brief fight with a terrible, terrible cancer. And by very brief, I mean we got a diagnosis of cancer and she died 10 days later.

Photo Cred: ihatecancer.net

Talk about not having time to process that  shit  ....erm.... stuff.

It threw our family for a loop, especially because the day she was given the terrible diagnosis was the day that Prudence's handsome neffie, Mr. Li-man, was born. The joy we should have had celebrating the beginning of his life was tainted by the strain of knowing we didn't have much time left with his Nanna. They did get to meet in what was the most touching moment of my life... Our family gathered in a Hospice room as Nanna and grandson met on his 5th day of life. We smiled. We cried. But most importantly, we prayed.

Photo Cred: National Catholic Register

You can imagine the questions I had for God in the 10 day period as my mother fought for her life and in the days, now months, after her death. My mother's life was taken all too quickly from us. Selfishly, I thought of all of the things that I wouldn't have my mom around for - my impending graduation (if I can finish The Big Paper), my wedding, my children...  This, too, is why it's been difficult to laugh... and perhaps even make God laugh these last few months.

So... in an effort to deal with my mind which has been running crazy with thoughts about mom, about life, about my future, about... everything... I figure what better way than to turn to this space and perhaps try to make God laugh again as I work through.... everything. He knows, I've not had the easiest go of it. I've made mistakes and been downright angry. Grief is a very stranger emotion that I don't know anyone ever fully grasps. Ever.

But... I'm trying. Trying to make sense of everything and trying to achieve a new normal without getting to talk to the person I ran everything by, the person who I told everything to... my best friend, my mother.

"Mothers and daughters are joined at the heart; no matter the distance, they're never apart."